A NNY Christmas
by Devoted Dib Fan
Summary: Squee is told that Santa Clause is not real. It's up to Nny to save Christmas for Squee. Very lame, but cute. (There's more coming, don't worry)
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer:  Um…. I don't and never did own Johnny the Homicidal Manic, Jhonen Vasquez, or any of his characters. Na da. 

Beware of the lameness. O_o;

A Nny Christmas 

**Chapter 1**

It was Christmas Eve once again.  The snow fell and Squee sighed, looking out the window.  The clock read 11:30 P.M.  Nighttime came pretty quick this Christmas for Squee had found out the truth…

            Suddenly, his train of thought was disrupted as the window flew open, a familiar figure emerged from the shadows.

            "Oh, God, not the scary neighbor man!" thought Squee to himself.

            "Oh, hi, Squee!!!" said the figure.  Squee's worst nightmare had come true.  It was, in fact, Johnny, Squee's homicidal neighbor.

            "What are you doing here?" asked Squee.

            "Oh, I just needed some Oxi-Clean.  I hear it gets out bloodstains.  Damn these fucking stains!"

            Squee blinked at Nny, he didn't say anything.

            "Heh, usually I don't care, but I'd rather look good for-," started Nny, but he noticed Squee was hardly listening, "Hey… what's wrong, Squee?  You're supposed to be happy on Christmas.  You know, with Santa Clause and all-"

            Squee said quietly, "Santa Clause isn't real."

            "What?!  Who told you that?!" asked Nny.  He then eyed Squee's teddy bear, "I know!  It was Shmee, wasn't it?!"

            Squee's eyes got big as he said frantically, "No, no!!  Daddy says Santa is not real."

            "Your daddy…?" started Nny. He couldn't believe it.  How could any parent tell a little kid that Santa Clause isn't real? "Of course Santa is real! He and I are good friends!" lies Nny.

            "But daddy…" sniffles Squee.

            "Listen, kid, Santa Clause is real and I'm going to prove it!" said Nny.  Then he mumbled to himself, "We can't have little kids running around not believing in Santa."

            "What to you want for Christmas, Squee?" asked Nny.

            "Well… I really want my mom to quit ignoring me, and my dad to spend quality time with me-" started Squee.

            "Yeah, yeah.  Toys and video games.  Right.  I got it," said Nny, not letting Squee Finnish.

            Squee blinked.

            "All right Squee, at 12:00 tonight, Santa Clause is coming to this house!" said Nny.

            Squee blinked at Nny and gave him one of those "Oh my god, what is this guy doing in my house anyway?" looks.

            "Later, Squee!" said Nny as he went out the window.

            Squee smiled, maybe he could have a happy Christmas after all…


	2. The Dreaded Shoping Mall

Chapter 2 

            Johnny looked at the list of toys that he was to get Squee as he drove his car.  Not paying attention, to the road, he barely dodged the passing cars.  One random person drove off a cliff, trying to dodge the speeding car.  Nny didn't notice.

            "I can't believe this! How can anyone tell a kid that Santa is not real?" said Nny.  He thought for a while, "Well… I've done it before, but the kid was a brat anyway!  What kind of a parent would tell their kid that they aren't getting presents? Those jerks…"

            By this time, more than ten cars had driven off the side of the road, into a huge cliff, in order to dodge Johnny's mad driving.  Johnny finally approached the shopping mall; a place he hated.  Way to many of the "popular people" who always made stereotypes of the quiet, sane people hang out there.  It made him sick.  He parked, but didn't even notice that he ran over a mall Santa Clause until it was too late.

            Nny blinked and said happily, "Oh good! Now I have a Santa Costume!"

            Nny put on the Santa's beard and hat. He didn't dare put the stuffing on because it'd 'make him look fat'.  XD;

            He didn't really look like a traditional Santa.  He looked more like a homicidal Santa, but that would have to do.

            "Now to do some shopping…" Nny said to himself as he walked into the mall.

            "He, Santa!" said a person at the entrance, "Wanta get high?"

            Nny looked at him, edged away and said, "Fuck no!"

            "Aww, come on, ya looser! Chicken!" said the crack-head.

            Nny pulled out a switchblade and slit the guy's throat, and stabbed him several times, "What part of NO don't you understand!"

            Nny walked away and went into the store.  Some people gawked at the bloodstains on his Santa shirt.  Nny stuck a pocket-sized bomb in one of the people's open mouths as he walked away.  The bomb exploded as Nny walked into the toy store.  He began collecting things from the list.

            "Hmm… Game Slave… All kids love those," said Nny as he threw a video game console and some games into a toy buggy.  He also picked up a few action figures and stuffed toys: including a female looking Shmee toy.  Nny approached the checkout counter.

            "Can I _help_ you, sir?" said an annoying desk clerk.

            "Yeah," said Nny, pointing at the toys.

            "Well, you'll _have _to wait your _turn_, sir," she said, pointing at the incredibly long line.

            Although he was agitated, Nny waited in the long line for 24 minutes.  Then the woman announced that it was closing time and that he had to return the items.

            "WTF?!" cried Nny as he got out a machete, "All I wanted to do was make Christmas happen for a little kid, but fucking people like you have to screw it up!  FUCK! He doesn't deserve this form you!"

            Nny slashed her head off, dropped money on the counter, and ran off with the presents.  He had to make it to Squee's house by 12:00.  It was 11:55 now…  He floored it out of the parking lot onto the highway.  He was going 90 MPH.  He HAD to make it to Squee's in time.


	3. ...

Chapter 3 

            The car came to an abrupt stop at a "dreaded red light of doom".  Nny growled.  The time was 11:56 and he was 7 miles away from Squee's house.  Surely he couldn't make it there by 12:00!  Time didn't matter.  He stepped on the gas pedal as hard as he could, forcing it to hit the floor.  (Don't try this at home, kids!)  The car sped down the highway, not stopping for anything.  Nny didn't seem to notice that he ran over… many things: animals, tress, and humans. O_o

            The time was 11:58.  He was almost there… So close!  He passed Christmas singers.  He left snowmen in pieces.  He even caused a 5 car pile up, for on going traffic.  Then it came: another dreaded red light.

            "FUCK!"

            The light was red.  The time was 11:59.  Squee looked outside and sighed.  There was no sign of the scary neighbor man or Santa Clause.

            "Come on Squee, let's go to bed," said Squee to his teddy bear, "He's not coming…"

            But then, from out of the house came such a clatter, that, Squee hurried to see what was the matter!  (X3;  I've always wanted to say that.)  A huge "SQUEEEEK! SHATTER!! BAM!!" came from the roof.  Squee shuttered.  Could it be?  Santa?

            *~*Meanwhile*~*Up on the roof*~*

            "Woah… That was fun! I want to do that more often," said an excited Nny, not seeming to notice the blood and body parts under his car, from where he ran over pedestrians earlier.  He quickly made sure his hat and beard were on strait and grabbed a bag full of toys.  It was 12:00 exactly, "Here goes nothing," he said as he jumped down the chimney, clutching the bag as he fell.

            Squee's dad caught Squee, who was returning to his room, and was angry.  He yelled at Squee, "What are you doing out of bed, um, whatever your name is?!"

            "Santa Clause is supposed to come-" squeaked Squee.

            Dad yelled, "WHAT? I TOLD YOU SANTA IS NOT REAL!"

            "-But Nny said-"

            "Well, HELL for what 'Nny' said! You and your damned imaginary friends!"

            Nny had listened to the whole conversation.  By this time, Squee's mom had actually got her lazy ass to see what was the matter.  (A/N:  =D  So miracles DO happen!)

            Nny snuck up behind both of them, and ripped open a part of their brains and took some out.  They both fell to the floor.  Poor Squee blinked and nearly screamed.

            "Well, he wasn't going to shut up, so I figured I try something I learned," said Nny.

            "Oh, they'll wake up, Heh, if I did it right.  Yeah, a kid needs parents.  A kid needs good parents, though-"

             Squee was speechless, almost on the verge of tears.  Christmas isn't supposed to be like this!

            Nny sensed his sadness and said, "Umm… I'm Santa!  See?"

            Squee nearly got a nauseous feeling when, suddenly, his parents woke up. O__o  They were… happy.

            "Hello, son!" they exclaimed.

            "… *Squee* …" he squeaked.  His parents had NEVER talked like that to him.  He smiled, had they… changed?

            Nny blinked, sighed, and set the presents out of the bag.  Maybe things would change for Squee.  That would be the best Christmas present of all for the little kid.  He just said, "Um… I'll just leave out the door, k?"

            The couple was giving their son the biggest hug ever. 

            "Uh- O-ok!" Nny said.

            Squee watched as Santa Nny left.  He managed to get away from his parents long enough to go outside and give Nny something, "You know, Mr. Neighbor Man, you make a bad Santa Clause, but you're the best neighbor ever." Said Squee as he handed Nny a Card, "Merry Christmas, Nny!"

            Nny watched as Squee went back inside.  The opened the card.  It simply read, "Merry Christmas, Love Squee & Shmee."

            "Aww… That was a happy ending," said Nny.  He paused, "I think I'll kill something now. XD"

            ***

AN:  Hey, I wonder what happened to Squee's mom and dad's brains?! XDDD

That was so sappy. XD


End file.
